Sunday, July 31, 2011

Can it get any stupider that this?

I have lots of weird story from my surprisingly not so boring life and I'm gonna tell you one of them because this one actually affect my future life (Holy fuck, that's some serious shit I just said). Back when I was still a freshman in college, I was so creative like I'd put a sign "FOR SALE PLEASE CALL 0812-SUCK-MY-DICK-309" on my friend's window car (well, that SUCK-MY-DICK thing wasn't real, what real was that I gave my other friend's number but I should have written SUCK-MY-DICK cause it's funnier) or surprised my other friend by having her bra and undies duct taped to her room's door and then did it again but this time I gave her double surprises by wrapping her door with newspapers all over and so when she ripped it she could find her bra and undies duct taped to her door again.

Those actions did nothing to harm me because instead of being hated, my friends thought they were funny too (I guess that's what I thought they felt), but this one did. So, I was in a class, I don't really remember I guess it was some kind of culture class or something. The lecturer asked us to make a 12 pages biographical papers about some people and their struggle with their life or whatever. Seriously it was like 5 fucking years ago, you don't expect me to remember what kind of task my lecturer asked, right? RIGHT? Anyway, so I chose my friend whose experience was about how she got discriminated when she was still in high school for being Chinese. So I made the paper with the help of this good friend of mine (and by being helped I mean, she did basically 60% of the writing. *asshole shrug* what can I say I was just so lazy). I submitted the paper to the lecturer and BAM! she liked it and even showed it to the class. By the end of the semester, I thought I could get an A from that paper and like expected by all of you, I got B. Why it affects my future? Because after I got graduated I thought of applying scholarship for Master degree and then I realized that my GPA was only 3,24 and the required minimum GPA for the scholarship was 3,25. There goes my scholarship....

4 years later, my sister who took the same major and university as me, also took that fucking class and still with the same lecturer. And that lecturer showed to the class some of the fine example of how to make a biographical paper and my sister said that one of them was mine. Of course I was questioning, if it was a great paper how come she gave me a B. But then I remember why....... I changed the name of the main character in that paper with the name Panty Liner. Motherfucker.

Monday, July 4, 2011

People that should've been kidnapped by alien a long time ago


I was actually gonna say, people that should've been dead a long time ago but then I decided not to because I'm a wonderfully kind person, so instead I just said; should've been kidnapped by aliens. Beside being kidnapped by aliens is actually pretty phenomenal, that's hell of a way to get remembered by people in your town, heck maybe even in the world. People on the internet might even make a fucking meme about it. Okay, so what am I talking about again? Oh right.. This time we're (No, it's actually me, you're just gonna read my grammatically wrong rant) gonna talk about some people that should've gone a long time ago.

1. Macaulay Culkin
When you first watched Home Alone, you must be thinking like: "This boy is gonna be so good looking and charming, he's gonna have to go to the doctor and add 5 dicks just to handle all the girls that will come to him." But then TA FUCKING DA... I don't know if it's because of the drugs that he's been taken or just because he's actually not aging well. You can still see a little Kevin in him but really, seeing him today just kinda like killing your childhood. It's kinda like when you see some asshole making a porn picture of Doraemon having sex with Shizuka, if you know what I mean.


2. Aaron Carter
Jesus Tittyfucking Christ. What in the fucking world... Aaron used to be the most good looking 13 years old in the whole world, I also don't know what in the world happened to him. It must be also because of the drugs but still, I mean... come on. Way to kill your childhood, seriously. I wish I could have a time machine, I would bring all those teenage girls that used to drool over Aaron and brought them to year 2011. Imagine the lulz. There's prolly gonna be a huge mass suicide occur.




3. Edward Furlong
You know when I first saw Edward, I thought that this kid's gonna be a new Leonardo diCaprio and I was wrong. He's got potential but then again some people aren't that lucky or just fucked up. He used to have this diCaprio and Depp's vibe in him. What we heard about him today is mostly about his reckless behavior and shit.




4. Mickey Rourke
Mickey was so fine, was so fine, he really did blow your mind, right? I blame his decision in taking a career as professional boxer and choosing a wrong doctor. Now Mickey has the face that only a Photoshop could love. What a shame, he could've aged well like Richard Gere or Sean "Your Mom is a whore" Connery.



5. Tatum O'Neal
See, I don't just judge on the face, I also judge on their career. Tatum was so fucking adorable in Paper Moon, like seriously. If Shirley Temple was this cute little girl, Tatum was this hardcore smoke addict and sneaky little cunt. I think I'm gonna blame drugs again here.


6. Dakota Fanning
You must be wondering why the fuck is Dakota on this list? It's a personal thing actually, I admitted that Dakota is an amazing child actress. She can play any role, you name it, she can do it. But I just don't think that she's gonna be able to top her own image and performance as child actress, she peaked at a very young age. When I watched The Runaways and saw that awkward love scene with Kristen Stewart, I kept repeating to myself, "Dakota, please don't grow up, please don't. This isn't real. Fuck". In other news, I actually have a high hope toward the other Fanning, Elle Fanning. Elle is the new Dakota.




Honorary mention: Brad Renfro.

PS. If I ever make a list "You stay the fucking away from this people, you cunty aliens, Don't even think about kidnapping them", diCaprio and Christian Bale will be on the top of the list.