Santa Claus Is (Not) Coming to The Town

Cause he's not real and nobody's coming to the town, not even the ghost of your ancestor. But hey, it's almost Christmas again, can you believe that? Are you excited OR ARE YOU FUCKING EXCITED THAT YOU'RE GOING TO DIE IN COUPLE WEEKS CAUSE THE WORLD IS GONNA FUCKING END LIKE WHAT THE FUCKING MAYANS PREDICTED HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO.

Talking about the end of the world, my Mom just called me last week asking me if it's true that the world will end before Christmas. She sounded so worry and kept telling me to be careful. I laughed at her. She asked me why I laughed, at that time there were so many explanation that I have in my mind but I'm pretty sure it's gonna take shit load of time (My Mom is very clueless about what's going on in this world, she seems like she can never keep up with the modern world, she can't even text. Last time she tried to do it, she sent me 5 empty messages) and I was about to fry my egg and the pan was getting very hot, so I just told my Mom, 'No Mom, it will not end. Haha. Bye'.

I personally don't believe in any of the 'end of the world' prediction. The Mayan don't know shit, they didn't even have toilet paper back then, I don't trust people who don't use toilet paper. But I always think it's going to be fun if the world does end this year. You don't have to get up every morning to go to work, if you don't go to work, you don't get to meet your asshole boss or cunty manager or any of your annoying coworkers. You don't have to worry about your future anymore because there will be no future for you nor for everybody. You don't have to listen to Gangnam piece of dildo shit style again. You don't have to worry if Sir Alex is gonna retire and leave Manchester United. You don't have to worry about that acne on your face.  You don't have to worry about bad hair day. In short, you don't even have to worry about nothing at all anymore.

But it's only IF the world ends this year, the truth is, it will not. The earth will soon end, I'm sure, but it won't be this year. So you're (and by you, I mean me) have to put up with all the shitty things that happen in this life and in our world generally. To lift up your (I mean mine) spirit, there are still good things that will happen: Manchester United lift their 20th EPL trophy, Leonardo diCaprio (finally) winning his Oscar, Kim Kardashian getting butt raped by a dolphin in the middle of the street, Fleet Foxes' new album, the long awaiting revelation of who was the asshole who raped Natalie Wood, Nikola Tesla's museum, Zombie outbreak, etc etc etc.

And with that I leave you with...

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU FILTHY ANIMALS.

I am not dead

yet. 

It's been a while since the last time I post something here. When I first made this blog, I felt obliged to post stuff at least once in a month, now I don't even care if this blog is getting pissed by a dog. But not for today, it's Sunday and nobody's at home, I've done surfing the internet, so I guess I'm gonna write something here.

I own a pair of rabbits now. It used to be 3 rabbits but one died cause of diarrhea couple months ago. You probably are thinking 'What? diarrhea? Pfffftttt. Hahaha. That shit is hilarious.' Well guess what? It is not hilarious and I hope you got hit by a fucking truck. It is a serious disease that can caused death to rabbit. Now I am left with 2 (probably gay) rabbits.

The left one is called 'Dog' and the right one is called 'Cat'.

Yeah I named my rabbits Cat and Dog and there's nothing you can do about it.

What gay rabbits? It all started when I first got them (they are the present that my cousin gave to me for my birthday last April), I thought both rabbits (Cat and Dog) were female cause fuck man, their genitals weren't even visible when they were babies, like you literally couldn't see anything at all down there, so I just assumed that both were female. Until 3 months later, in a one cold night, I saw Cat fucking humped Dog. Cat fucking humped Dog. I was in a shocked I couldn't believe what I saw, it's like I'm being betrayed, I don't know by who but I just felt like that. I was like 'Cat... how could you, your own sister.. why?'. Dog always refused Cat, I guess Dog is just not a big fan of incest relationship. After that I started to accept the fact that Cat is a male and just moved on with my life.

This it the view that I have to see almost everyday

And then one night, Cat was trying to hump Dog again and I was like 'You horny little fuck' and just ignored them, after that the unexpected happened, I saw Dog tried to fucking hump Cat. I was like 'WHAT IN THE FUCK!? You've got to be fucking shitting me. Both of my rabbits are male?' So there you go, I now have rabbits that are probably gay. I say probably cause they've been humping each other for more than a month but I still have a little suspicion that Dog might still be a female cause he/she acts very weird lately, she started digging hole and collecting stuff, you know, stuff that a preggo rabbit usually do.

So that is the story about my (probably gay) rabbits. I hope you like it cause it's 10000% true.

PS. RIP Neil Armstrong. I hope the Green Day's fans are strong enough to cope up with this sad news.

Jesus, go back home, you have to study for your final!

NO, MOTHER, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO. THIS IS WHAT I MEANT TO BE. THIS IS ME. I AM A B-BOY.

I swear to Raptor Jesus, I did not abandon this blog

Yes, I did actually. 

The thing is that I just kinda lost interest in writing for a little while, but not until today. Today is special because it's Saturday and on Saturday many people kill themselves because the day after tomorrow is Monday.  Kay, let's talk about football (if you're not interested with the topic, here's a link to cheer you up: Ryan Gosling's naked pic).

You see this is probably one of the worst season for Manchester United, we have to lose Vidic for the rest of the season (but I heard he's coming back on April, praise Raptor Jesus), we got kicked out of Champions League after humiliating defeat from Basel, Evra and Suarez's feud and of course Manchester fucking Shitty being on the top of the table. Some say, the main cause of this is probably the never ending injury but I have different opinion. I say the current players are lacking spirit, passion and love for the club. Back in the early days, you have players who really take defeat as personal insult *cough*Roy Keane*cough*. Why would he need to take everything so seriously? beside his own ego, of course, there's also this passion and love for the club. Also almost half of the team at that time came from our own academy, so that means they were fans who happen to play for their favorite club and as fans you know how sad it is to see your team losing a game. Sadly, I don't see such passion anymore in our team now. All I see now is just bunch of youngsters putting on their United jersey and do their best in a game and even if they don't do their best, it's okay because there're still another game, no hard feeling. I just hope that this is a bad phase, once all the lads are getting older and wiser, they'll start to grow passion for the club that I just really love.

Excuse my bitching.

It's Almost Christmas and My Cousin Just Farted

It's almost Christmas again. Last year I made a post about my accusation of Hitler being a gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), this year I will not talk about Hitler and his gayness (again not that there'a anything wrong with gayness), I'm just going to bitch about how much I hate this year. 2011 has been a very shitty year. Why?

1. Jokes are easily killed 
In the past what happened was one person made a pretty funny joke and everybody laugh at it and it lasted long. Nowadays, one person made a joke, 1 minutes later, millions of fucking cunts in Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook made the same joke every fucking second and they basically killed it instantly within couple hours. Want an example? Rebecca fucking Black. It was funny at first but then the joke became very annoying when you know that all your friends think that they are funny by saying over and over and over and over again that the seat that Rebecca Black should have taken is a seat in a car that will hit a gas station and blow up. How about this, you make another Rebecca Black joke and I stab you in the fucking eye?

2. Arctic Monkeys' released their weakest album so far
It fucking pisses me off. I need a good music, I'm so sick of all the stupid autotune and there are basically no good album this year. When I heard that the Monkeys are releasing their new album, I was so excited because I love them so much but then I listened to it and was disappointed. It's not even near their amazing first and second album. 2011 is a shitfucking year for music.

3. The news are boring
There are too many dumb politician getting too much attention from the media. That's it. That's the highlight of 2011's news.

4. Facebook's new Recent Activity toolbar made me deactivated my account
I really don't want to know any detail of what the fuck my friends are doing. Also I'm feeling very uncomfortable with they knowing what the fuck I am doing.

5. Manchester United 1-6 Manchester FUCKING Shitty
The game was held in Old Trafford, More than 60.000 fans were watching and then those cunts in blue sky shirt bombarded the Red Army's net. Some of our fans were leaving the stadium even before the game was ended, which was a very embarrassing thing to see. I was ready to hang myself but then I remember that I haven't fed my rabbit.

6. Nicolas Cage just won't stop making shitty movies
10 years ago, he was a serious actor with serious career and made serious movies with serious audience, nowadays he makes seriously retarded movies that only seriously retarded people can enjoy.

7. Zooey Deschanel is a sell out now
Which is very sad. Everytime a new New Girl episode aired, one hipster commits suicide by stabbing their heart with pencil because using knife is too mainstream.

8. Every Wiz Khallifa's fake account in Twitter
I always hate the bullfuckingshit wisdom from account like IRespectFemale or DamnItsTrue, but Wiz Khallifa's fake accounts in Twitter is something different. It's beyond annoying, it's the ancestor of annoying (this sentence doesn't make any sense at all).

7. My cousin just farted and it stinks. 

A Christmas post is incomplete without Santa Claus' picture, so here's one.

And remember one thing Santa Claus is just as real as my twin sister. I don't have twin sister

Steve Died

I once ate an apple this big, it tasted different and then I realize it was melon. 

I bet you're gonna be like... "aw shit, not about Steve Jobs again. I'm so tired of people praising him and shit." Well, we're sharing a mutual feeling about it that's why I made this post. I'm also tired reading and listening about the news. This is the problem with human and technology. First of all, we as human (unless you're a cat because we know on the internet no one knows you are cat) have this thing called feeling , we are easily affected with other people's feeling. Most of people after they heard about people mourning about the death of Steve, felt the need to do the same thing (even though I doubt that they really know him).

Remember the death of Michael Jackson? yeah, it's probably a bigger news than Steve's (poor Steve), people everywhere were like "I'm tearing apart, my life is ruined, I can't believe this news, my favorite self-crotch grabber is now dead". And the funny thing is that before he died, his career was basically over but look what happened after the media kept whoring out the news about his death? You know it. His career was 'healed' instantly.

Different thing with Steve Jobs, he didn't have anybody suing him for touching their kids (sexually) nor having a fake nose. He wasn't a perfect human being, some brand him as capitalistic cunt and he did abandon his daughter for a while and didn't want to support her. He was just the CEO of Apple. I have one Apple product and it's called iWorm, okay forget the bad joke, I have iPod and I love it. Now same thing happened with Steve's death, people were mourning about how human race have lost a genius, an innovator and a God. No doubt that the man was a great human being, he helped us swoon over overpriced and flashy stuff. But as a genius? there are thousand, if not millions of geniuses out there that have helped us doing whatever we are doing right now. Then why is he being praised so much? there's this thing called advertising and Apple's pretty good at it. First of all, in the world of acting, Microsoft was Tilda Swinton, and Apple was Zooey Deschanel. Tilda Swinton = great actress but boring looking (or maybe scary?). Zooey Deschanel = Not much of an actress (Before you disagree: Fuck you I love 500 Days of Summer too but that movie was not about the acting tbqh imo) but easy on the eyes. So there you go, if you are this one funky human being with amazing personality and fat wallet that loves to bring your gadget everywhere, which one will you choose? Tilda Swinton? Pfffftttt. Even my fish (not really my fish but I'd like to think that it's my fish) would choose Zooey Deschanel and that fish is retarded as fuck (then again, I'm glad it's not my fish). (I'm only talking about Microsoft because basically whenever you heard about Apple, someone will come up and start a discussion about why Microsoft is better and then some touchy hipster will fight back and say about how Apple is better and then before you realize, there were blood everywhere).

Now after Apple is considered as a 'cool' brand, people will start praising Steve as the coolest man because he's (WAS) the head of Apple. So when he died, there were blood everywhere. (GODDAMNIT, WHY DO I KEEP INSERTING STUPID JOKES?). Steve did revolutionize the computer BUT he did not revolutionize how we listen to the music, cellphone or tablet computer, he just made them easier and better looking. Steve Jobs was a great innovator but he was not a God.

Beautiful movies are beautiful

I was gonna make a post about stuff from the 90's that we miss but then I cancelled it because I have a better idea. Let's talk about movie because I haven't talked about movies in a long time. This time I'll talk about beautiful movies that are so easy on the eyes you will fucking love it and wanted to marry it if it were a human. The list is not in order because I'm an asshole who can't make up my mind which one is the most beautiful movie out there.

1. The Color of Pomegranates (1968)

Have you ever felt like you're reading a poem while watching a movie? I have and thanks to this beautiful movie, I felt like I was sitting in my Poetry class again unless this time I could bring a snack in the class and sat like a boss with both legs on the chair.

2. The Fall (2006)

Have you ever watched anything so beautiful, nothing matters anymore and you don't mind somebody stab you and end your life right away? I haven't, but this movie sure makes me don't mind I get punched in the fucking stomach (I'm so skinny, so that's gonna hurt a lot). That shows how much I love this movie. The story is simple and very enjoyable but the cinematography is so beautiful it hurts.

3. Old Man and the Sea (1999)

I'm talking about Alexander Petrov's version. Pause every scene of this movie and it still looks so fucking beautiful. If watching Color of Pomegranates is like reading a poem, watching Petrov's Old Man and the Sea is like watching a moving oil painting. I feel like if I were Highlander, I'd go straight ahead to Russia and steal his ability. (Basically anything made by Petrov is beautiful, the man's a fucking genius).

4. In the Mood for Love (2000)

The reason why it's beautiful? the godmotherfucking music! Holy crowbar... Wong Kar Wai has a great sense of music, Chunking Express and My Blueberry Night also have amazing soundtracks but nothing beats the amazing scores and music in In the Mood for Love. Who would've thought that combining Nat King Cole's music to the love story in 60's China could be this good.

5. Baraka (1992)

9 out of 10 people think that this movie is beautiful, 1 of them said no because he's blind. Try watching this documentary on your newest 42" flat TV and prepare your eyes to get raped by its beautiful cinematography. It's basically all about the cinematography, baby!